Dixie Divas
Friendships lost, lessons learned
By RONDA RICH

By Ronda Rich

I lost a good friend the other day.

This one I did not lose to the cruelty of death or the unmanageable separation of a distance too far or even to words exchanged by folks too stubborn to compromise or apologize. I lost it, instead, to relentless inconsideration and the lack of common courtesy that all people, especially friends, owe to each other.

It is a sad way to watch over 20 years of friendship melt away into a state of nothingness.

In retrospect, it had been dissolving for quite a while beginning with the first time that he cancelled lunch at the last minute. I remember it well. You always remember the first time. I was dressed, coiffed and walking out the door when the phone rang and two minutes later, I was left with nowhere to go. Then, over the next couple of years, it became more habit than not, these cancellations. Once, I had driven an hour to meet him for lunch and 10 minutes before the appointed time, my cell phone rang. Cancelled. Again.

I can name no less than 14 times that it has happened but there is no reason to go into all of these details. Mainly, because it is embarrassing to admit that I have been so tolerant but he was a pal from my youth and I have long believed that you fight hard to keep those old friends. It is important because they knew you when, knew you before you figured out how to win.

I guess there was also a part of me that refused to accept that my friendship meant so little to him. But there comes a time when the truth must be faced and lessons must be learned.

That time for me came when, again at the last moment, he cancelled a get together that had been on his calendar for two months. This time the better offer that came along was a golf tournament. And now I shall always remember the last time he cancelled - as well as the first - for he will never have another chance to do it again.

"I hope it's worth it to you," I said, not in a calm way, the camel's back having been broken to pieces. "Because it has cost you a great friend."

"You should have put a stop to this friendship a long time ago," opined a friend, who is a life coach. "If I had been coaching you, I would not have let you continue this long with someone who is disrespectful of you and your time."

I shrugged. She's right. But I'm a Pollyanna. I believe in seeing the best in folks and in forgiving. Especially those you've known for so long, and especially those who, 20 years ago, wasn't like this.

"That's one thing about you," Mama said recently. "When you tell someone you're going to do something, you do it. Down to the letter you keep your word."

I smiled, thinking back to the lecture that Daddy often gave me, "When you tell someone you're going to be somewhere, you be there. No matter what it takes. And be there on time. The rudest thing in the world is to leaving people hanging. It says you think you're better than others and you're no better than nobody else."

True. I learned that lesson and now practice it well. I have also learned something else - it takes two people to make a friendship. One can't do it alone.

To him, I've been a good friend. I've cheered his accomplishments proudly, believed in his future, prayed for his heartbreaks, worried over his troubles, offered assistance professionally and always assured him that I was just a phone call away if he ever needed me for anything at anytime. I would have stopped at nothing to help him in any way necessary.

Come to think about it, I haven't lost a good friend after all.

He has.

Ronda Rich is the best-selling author of What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should) and The Town That Came A-Courtin'.