INSTIGATING LOGIC
Benoit tragedy spotlights personal struggles
By JARED PUTNAM Union Sentinel Editor

I grew up watching pro wrestling. In the late 80's, names like Hulk Hogan and Jake "The Snake" Roberts were part of my daily vocabulary. As I got older I accepted the fact that pro wrestling wasn't so much a legitimate competition as it was merely entertainment, but I still enjoyed watching from time to time. After all, wrestlers actually get to do what most of us feel like we want to do from time to time: Give someone a body slam and a kick in the face.

Sadly, pro wrestling has been all over the news in recent days because of a very real tragedy. Last weekend, well known superstar Chris Benoit, a former World Champion, apparently murdered his wife and 7-year-old son in their suburban Atlanta home before hanging himself with weightlifting equipment.

As the bizzare story unfolds, Benoits employer, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), has become defensive about suggestions that steroids played a role in his actions.

Normally I hate to hear what sounds like the usual company or government spin. It tends to be nothing more than an organization, agency, or public figure trying to absolve themself of any responsibility in a matter.

However, in this case, I actually agree with the company line.

This tragedy seems to have unfolded over a matter of days. I haven't heard anything to suggest that anything was done in a heated moment "roid rage." Maybe it will eventually be concluded that steroids did play some role in Benoit's mental state. Maybe it won't.

In any case, the real issue here probably lies much deeper. By all accounts, Benoit was a very polite, respectful, family man. But he has also been described as a very private person who never said much about the struggles in his life. The sad reality is, many people like Benoit have a mountain of problems that no one ever knows about.

Friends and family may never even suspect that anything is wrong, leaving them shocked when such a tragedy occurs. The reason being that even amongst close relationships, most people often don't really discuss their biggest problems with each other. Not in depth, anyway. Left unresolved, a situation can fester, becoming so out of control that a person may not even know where to begin trying to resolve it. Desperate people do desperate things.

The expression about the white elephant in the room remains true today. People remain silent. They often don't seem to know how to deal with certain issues because it has never been modeled for them on a personal level. Instead, where we typically see issues dealt with the most is on television and in movies. I think we get spoiled on watching cinema deal with issues. As with so many other things, Hollywood is misleading in this area.

How many times did you see John Wayne or Rambo talking about their feelings? Even in the more realistic dramas, most characters' storylines typically have a point in which a struggle comes to a head and gets resolved one way or another. As viewers we like that, because we want new storylines and different conflicts to keep things fresh.

Unfortunately that is often not the way it works in real life, but that portrayal can lead people to believe that such is the norm and that it is rare for someone to have significant, ongoing problems. I once heard a pastor speaking on the issue of chronic struggles, and his example was difficulty with forgiveness. He talked about forgiving people, and explained that he would like to be able to just do it once, and have that be the end of it. Instead, he said that his feelings of anger and resentment would come up from time to time, and he would have to forgive a person [in his heart] all over again.

This can be applied to almost anything people struggle with. Many emotional, spiritual, and physical struggles are chronic. It is stuff that each person has to learn to deal with on an ongoing basis. In some cases an individual may be able to conquer it, but always have the temptation of fallingback into it. I suppose a physical example would be an alcoholic who has to not only stop drinking, but also be careful never to touch the stuff again.

In other cases there will be problems that people can never just cut themselves off from completely, and in those cases it exists as more of a series of battles. Some you win. Some you lose.

Whatever the case, it is vital that a person looks at dealing with the practical side of a personal problem. Issues come down to the degree in which they interfere, or the potential they have to interfere, with day-to-day life. Our society continually talks about the world getting worse, but I think part of that comes back to the fact that today's society doesn't adequately deal with these problems.

If a person's car breaks down on the side of the road, regardless of whether or not they make an effort to help themselves, eventually someone will likely notice the situation and stop to help. Such is not the case with personal struggles. Ignoring an emotional problem or crossing fingers and hoping things will somehow work out usually doesn't cut it. Others may not be able to see that anything is wrong with the situation. The bottom line is, it is up to each of us to deal with personal struggles before they spin out of control.

Professional counseling is a very good, practical solution.

I know, this coming from the editor with the psychology degree. But it is true. Thankfully the public perception of counseling has seen positive changes in recent years. In looking back at the history of the field, there was a long period of time in which an uneducated majority opinion seemed to hold that only "crazy" people sought counseling.

Today the field is much more accepted. Hopefully most people now realize that just as people need to see a doctor for help with physical issues, or a pastor for help with spiritual issues, it doesn't hurt to see someone for help with emotional issues as well.

There is yet another old saying that claims, "no man is an island." Even though people often seem to not want to apply that sentiment to personal problems and just go it alone, that area often requires just as much help as all other aspects of life.

I can't help wondering how many lives would be bettered if more people took a practical approach to addressing personal struggles, not to mention the number of Benoit-like tragedies that could be avoided altogether.