INSTIGATING LOGIC
Forecasting fear
By JARED PUTNAM Union Sentinel Editor

Over the course of history mankind has often struggled to make the world a safer, friendlier place. Although we have taken many steps in the right direction, we still live with the knowledge that there are institutions out there that seek to destroy our way of life. Institutions like drugs, terrorism, racial intolerance, and perhaps worst of all, The Weather Channel.

At first glance some people might question the notion of lumping The Weather Channel into that group, but that's only because not everyone is aware of the insidious nature of its programming. Luckily, earlier this year Oklahoma Senator James Inhofe shined a much needed spotlight on this growing epidemic. In a panel discussion regarding global warming, Senator Inhofe came down hard on The Weather Channel for contributing to what he once described as the "hoax" of global warming. Inhofe said, "We all know the Weather Channel would like to have people afraid all the time."

Well thank goodness Congressman Inhofe had the courage to stand up and say what so many of us have been too afraid to say for years. That this constant fear mongering by The Weather Channel has to be stopped.

Rest assured, this problem goes far beyond their claims about global warming. After all, it was bad enough when these scare tactics were limited to the "local forecast" portion of the nightly news. Then some sick, twisted soul went and created an entire channel devoted to the horror that is...weather.

It's no small miracle that a wave of panic hasn't broken out across the nation after years of 24-hour programming in which meteorologists carelessly throw around terrifying terms like "barometric pressure" and "wind chill factor." It couldn't any scarier if they were holding a bloody hatchet while they stand in front of those giant maps.

Even more offensive is the fact that The Weather Channel doesn't seem to have a problem with being completely blatant about scaring people. Chances are we have all at one time or another been a victim of their "thunderstorm warnings" or "tornado warnings." Sure, they say these alerts are for your own safety, but everyone knows that all they really want to do is have you so scared that you'll keep right on sitting in front of your television watching what? The Weather Channel.

As for global warming itself, in reality we all know perfectly well that it is nothing more than The Weather Channel's flagship fictional issue. Their equivalent of a low budget horror flick. It is every bit as big of a myth as some of these other abstract concepts that scientists have been trying to push off on us for years. Another example?

Gravity.

That's right, gravity. I have yet to hear a single compelling argument that definitively proves that gravity is real. Can I see it? No. Touch it, hear it, smell it, or taste it? I don't think so. So until someone can offer up better evidence for the existence of this gravity mumbo jumbo, I'll be stickling to my own personal theory that the magical earth fairies keep me secured to the ground with invisible rubber bands tied to my shoes.

I think Senator Inhofe would be proud of my stance.

No, global warming is merely another case of alarmists spreading fear over something that will probably turn out to be one giant false alarm. It is no different than when everyone was freaking out about there being some link between cigarettes and lung disease.

Now I don't pay attention to the national news enough to recall how those studies ever turned out, but I'm sure they eventually concluded that cigarettes are perfectly safe and perhaps even good for you. Therefore, if pumping toxic fumes into your lungs can't hurt you, then how could any sane person believe that pumping lots of toxic fumes into the air would hurt the planet? It makes no sense.

In any case, I think I speak for everyone when I say that I know I'll sleep better at night knowing that brave crusaders like Senator Inhofe are out there, fighting for a better tomorrow. One in which archaic practices like slavery, communism, and weather reports will merely be an ugly, forgotten chapter of our history.