INSTIGATING LOGIC
What's in a name?
By JARED PUTNAM

A few days ago I was talking to a friend whose wife in due to give birth to their second child in April. Like many expecting couples they are struggling to decide what to name him.

I did my best to try to talk him into letting me name his new baby, but he gave me some excuse about how he and his wife were going to do it. Whatever. They got to name their first child, can't it be someone elses turn? Apparently that's not how it works.

But its not like it's something really important, like...say...naming a Panda. Is it me, or did the Atlanta media get way too into that whole process? That Panda had some serious buzz surrounding it for a while. Last I heard she had cut a record deal and was working on getting her own clothing line.

In any case, these topics got me thinking about names in general.

There are few things that we are identified with as much as our name. Whether we are best known by our first, middle, or last name, initials, or a nickname, it is a huge part of who we are.

Some names seem to enjoy long streaks of popularity, while others become popular from cultural influences. Jacob and Emily are two of the most popular names over the past several years, along with others like Michael and Hannah.

One of the most interesting aspects of a name is its meaning. My own name is actually Hebrew, meaning "ruler" or "heir."

Although I like my name, part of me wishes that a "Jared" would get really famous. Occasionally when someone hears my name for the first time, they respond with something like, "Oh yeah, Jared, like the Subway guy," or "Oh yeah, like the jewelry store."

Yes, exactly. Because out of the many things in the world that I might like to be associated with, low calorie food and sterling silver bracelets are right at the top of the list.

Why can't it be more like, "Oh yeah, Jared, like that champion-bull-rider-turned-Olympicgold medalist-snowboarder-that-saved-thosekids from-a-fire." Come on, is that really too over the top?

Since I was a kid I've also always gotten a fair share of misinterpretations of my name, including Jerry, Gerald, Jerard, and too many other variations to even name. Maybe that only means that I'm not pronunciating my own name well enough, though I don't think that's the problem, because it seems to be tricky to read as well.

Luckily I have a pretty good sense of humor about most things, and I learned early in life to hold on to some of the funnier moments that stemmed from my name.

Once, in a Suncoast movie store, a clerk who seemed like he might have watched one too many Star Trek episodes in his time looked at my name on my credit card and proceeded to say, "Ah yes, Ja-Ha-Rad, I have not heard this name in quite some time." I responded with, "Yeah, actually, it's just Jared." He didn't really respond, but he did give me a distrusting look as if to say, "You cannot fool me, Ja-Ha-Rad, I know you bear the same moniker as the High Chancellor of the Klingon Empire."

But of course I still can't really complain about that, because things can always be worse. Whenever you are in any public position you always have people that like you and those who don't. Eventually you will probably end up getting called something that doesn't entirely fall into the category of being a name at all.

My all time favorite was when one person called me a "cancer." I never worried about anyone taking it seriously though, as it is widely known that I am actually a Sagittarius.

Of course, there is the possibility that the word was intended in the medical sort of way, which would not only be just plain mean, but equally untrue. Anyone who knows me will tell you that being around me is never worse than having a mild case of the flu. Sure, I can cause the occasional headache, chills, maybe some fatigue, but that's as far as it goes.

Fortunately, most of us stick to calling each other by our given names rather than fashioning new ones for each other. Jared may trip people up from time to time, but all things considered, I think I'll stick with it.